Demons...

With the emergence of this post marathon injury the demons have begun to seep out of the tiny crevices of my mind. The chemical balance that I worked so painstakingly hard on establishing during the past six months has begun to slip in the wrong direction. The obvious slew of "what ifs" and "when wills" have begun to show their nasty faces.

As many of you know the Keene Wednesday workout has become bigger than any of us could have ever imagined. What is less known about Wednesdays is the post run music session at my place. Inevitably the topic will shift to running at some point in the evening. Lately I have been talking with Greg about the torture we put our bodies through on a regular basis. Following a close call on my mountain bike this week Mary added a perspective that although I had heard many times before took on a whole new meaning. Basically Mary said, "How long do you think you can keep doing this? I don't want you to be an old man when your fifty."

As we delved into this topic I found myself asking a lot of why questions that always led back to the same answer, the demons. What happens if I never qualify for the trials in the marathon? Am I a failure? I never broke four minutes, am I a failure? What is the standard with which we measure ourselves as runners? Would I be just as happy if I took some time away from the roads and focused on trail running or Xterra? Inevitably I find myself saying no because I understand the menacing cruelty of my harshest critic, my demons. The obvious irony is that those very menacing and cruel demons are responsible for all of the joyfulness running has brought me. Clearly I am sitting around way to much and putting far to much energy into thinking about reasons to run. If I don't get some miles in my legs soon I am worried that I am going to turn into Dennis Hopper's character from Apocalypse Now.

On a more positive note I had an important day in my recovery. I had an outstanding chiropractor appointment this morning with Dr. League. Rob thinks that with the way my left calf cramped in the waning miles of the marathon that my bodies super compensation put the screws to my left side, top to bottom. Additionally I had a fantastic fifty minute massage at Devine Back and Body that left my calfs feeling like wads of cookie dough. The plan is to keep off my feet through the weekend and then giving some light running a go on Monday.

Mark